Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
