i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
