He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
