She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
