The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i dont even know how to be here
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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