I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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