I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
