My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My cat gives me a boner
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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