why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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