I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize