If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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