Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
