I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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