new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
