she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
