just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
