Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
