im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
