Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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