Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
