I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
