Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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