I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
