I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
