Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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