tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
