Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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