At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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