My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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