awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
