I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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