We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
