I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
