I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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