If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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