Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this hospital has no fireball
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
