Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
