just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
