she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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