does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I faked an abortion last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
