its not stalking. its research.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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