ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
