you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
