i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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