I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
