I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
