my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
