I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
