I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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