ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
