So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Where are you guys?
Drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
