I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
