I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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