I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
