His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
