I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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