WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
