Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
