Whatcha textin bout Willis?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
