it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
