so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
