Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
