It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
