i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
