I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
