He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
