Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think your dad took our porno
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
