And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
