Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
