i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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